He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
