I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
