I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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