Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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