your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
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