I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
