are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize