i permit you to call me
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
