This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Shame - the story of my life.
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