I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
