I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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