i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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