dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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