he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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