Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
