Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
