she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
fuck your aforementioned shoe
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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