He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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