Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
