Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Randomize