i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
