I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
