We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
