I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
