This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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