I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
