i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
