put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
the raccoons are back...
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