DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
