So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
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