no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize