just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
