Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize