Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
