at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
