Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
