Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
