Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
high people should be assigned attendants
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Randomize