my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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