Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
