I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
