eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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