I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
