i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
