i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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