but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
