Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
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