We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Randomize
