I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
