We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
