why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
