Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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