I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
