"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
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