How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize