He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
