...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
