You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
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