She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
