U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
