I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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