Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
We talked him into tasing himself.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
