Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
