I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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