i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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