Sponge bath it is.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
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