sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
