Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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