Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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