Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
