the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
