Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
