You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
