I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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