PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
She made me pour olive oil on her.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
