Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Randomize
