my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
