im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
