its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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