I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Randomize
