if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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