Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
