Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
