I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
