have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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