We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
