the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
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