I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
