God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
