there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize