just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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