Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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