Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
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