Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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