No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
