Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I'm at about main and main street
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize