dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
