I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
