I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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