So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
