today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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