If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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